11/2/09 - A day on the naughty step

[okbye]

Today's question is from jrzjrz

What was the "worst" punishment your parents gave to you as a child?

And why did you "deserve" it?

[Grovite]

"We're disappointed in you."

Worst thing ever, way beyond any grounding or swats or anything like that. When you're told that, you just feel like a complete ass.

Me and my friends were finally caught vandalizing in and around the DFW area.

[Susie Pins]

Being made to sit on the stairs in the dark until I was ready to apologise....

[Dana]

Once.
My dad yelled at me at the top of my voice, dragged me out of a party at a friends house (I was 5) and swatted me on the behind.

I was scared to death. He never did things like that.
But...to him, I was missing. Lost. I had walked about 5 houses down, on my own, to a party the neighbor's were throwing. We lived on a river, it was dark, there were tiki torches lit, and I wasn't supposed to be there. He was...upset.

However, my mom would yell if the wind blew, so that meant nothing to me.

[LucyLu]

I was grounded for about a month one time, just for being the pain in the ass that I usually was as a kid. I was a complete brat, like the worst I have ever seen. I deserved a lot more punishment then I actually received, but I am sure I'll get payback when I have kids.

-L

[gypsy]

My parents never got anywhere by grounding me. They never quite understood that I liked being grounded! My room was where my books were; where my stereo and records were; and my art supplies. Even if I wasn't allowed to listen to music, I could still read or draw, and that's mostly what I did in my spare time anyway.

I can't remember any one specific "worst" punishment. What stands out, though, is that when my brother and I were kids, not only did we get punished by Mom when we committed the transgression, but we then had to wait until Dad got home and got punished again, which almost always included being whipped across the legs with his leather belt. There's even a home movie from that time that shows him "giving it" to me in the backyard one afternoon. And no matter how many times we hid that damn belt, we could never understand how he'd find it the next time around. Years later we discovered, to our chagrin,that Dad had about 15 different leather belts and every time we hid one, he'd just go grab another.

[Dale Gribble]

Nothing that I didn't deserve worse for.

[beenie]

I got taken over a knee once or twice. I don't remember any of what I did, all I remember is the spanking (wonder if that speaks more to the effectiveness or my lack of memory).

[sadiedog]

What I thought was the worst punishment ever:

I was 6 or 7. We had all gotten dressed up and went to an upscale restaurant for our annual fancy dinner. It was a huge deal for us as money was really tight. Us girls even got to get new dresses for the occasion! Of course, my sister and I started fighting. Apparently it got bad enough because Mom and Dad quietly paid the bill for the drinks (dinner hadn't even been ordered yet), and we left for home.

On the way home Mom turned to us in the car and said that our misbehaving was the reason the whole family wasn't having our special night out and that it would be bedtime when we got home. Then she turned back and faced forward. There was no yelling, no scolding. It was just a matter-of-fact tone. We rode in silence the rest of the way home.

I was so devastated. I knew that I blew it, no one got to have any fun. I made a promise to myself after that night that I would be a little lady in a restaurant. Not so much for my sister. She was a bit slower to learn that lesson.

How funny is it now that my sister now uses that tactic with the children she fosters?

[SingingWillow]

My mother was a beater. Any weapon she could lay her hands on. A belt. A switch. Hot Wheels tracks. Her bare hands, if she was in a pinch.

Cause? Just about anything. Not cleaning well enough. Or fast enough. Laughing with my brother while we were doing the dishes. Looking at her 'funny'.

Did I "deserve" it?

I don't believe any child 'deserves' being assaulted, with or without a weapon, by somebody that is at least twice their size.



Yea. I have strong feelings about this subject.


(On a side note: While I don't forgive the actions, I have forgiven my mother. Or, at least, I think I understand her. She was bitter, angry, felt trapped, and I was the outlet. Our relationship is much improved. I talk to her everyday now. Now, she's just a lonely old woman. She doesn't even remember most of what she did 'then'. Now, she is 'saved'. "Forgiven". Whatever. I still wouldn't leave her alone with a child)

[gypsy]

I don't believe any child 'deserves' being assaulted, with or without a weapon, by somebody that is at least twice their size.

I agree. I've never had to spank my daughter, not once, ever, in 16 1/2 years.

However, I did once have to hoist her over my shoulder and drag her kicking and shrieking out of the grocery store at the age of 4, after she rammed the grocery cart into my leg as hard as she could while she threw the biggest tantrum I have ever seen any kid throw in my entire life.... After dropping her off at home for my husband to deal with, I returned to the same store about 15 minutes later - and was greeted with applause by the employees in the produce section!

[Jikuu]

I don't believe any child 'deserves' being assaulted, with or without a weapon, by somebody that is at least twice their size.

I agree. I've never had to spank my daughter, not once, ever, in 16 1/2 years.

However, I did once have to hoist her over my shoulder and drag her kicking and shrieking out of the grocery store at the age of 4, after she rammed the grocery cart into my leg as hard as she could while she threw the biggest tantrum I have ever seen any kid throw in my entire life.... After dropping her off at home for my husband to deal with, I returned to the same store about 15 minutes later - and was greeted with applause by the employees in the produce section!

That's a great way to take care of it. Kudos to you.

As for the original question, my mom had divorced and hated my dad. I look more like him than her, and I figure because of that, she yelled at me for just about everything, even though I was a good kid (honest! ask my family!). I think the worst one was when she bit my hand. She was getting really livid, beating on herself and the driving wheel in the car, so I decided I'd have better luck ducking and rolling out of the passenger side. She didn't agree with me there.
I also agree that physical force should not be used to discipline children. I think it teaches the child to fear punishment rather than get them to understand why the original action was wrong in the first place. I'm getting more practice on that concept with disciplining my cat and understanding where connections aren't being made. Granted, kids are better.

[gypsy]

My parents were firm believers in physical punishment, the bulk of which was usually the aforementioned leather belt across the legs. But I also recall the occasional whack with a hairbrush or a wooden spoon; one time a butter knife across the knuckles; and there's a family story my mother will admit to where once, at dinner, she couldn't get me to stop chattering so she shoved my face into my mashed potatoes.....

Oh, and one time when I was around 14 or so, my father got so angry at me for arguing with my mother that when I bent over the kitchen trash can to scrape my dinner plate, he hauled off and kicked me in the butt.

I don't feel that any of this warped my psyche though......much.

[Trega]

A lot of people got hit with objects, my parents hit me with words. "Why can't you be more like your brother," "Where did we go wrong with you," "Why won't you make anything of yourself," "I don't want to look at you," "You're such a disappointment."

[gypsy]

A lot of people got hit with objects, my parents hit me with words. "Why can't you be more like your brother," "Where did we go wrong with you," "Why won't you make anything of yourself," "I don't want to look at you," "You're such a disappointment."

I hear you. Except in my house, I was the one who was used as an example, at least as far as behavior was concerned. But with everything else, my brother was always the favorite and everybody knew it. That was fun to live with.

And my mother is a great one for responding to my question "How do I look?" with various answers along the lines of "You look fine...but you'd look better if you....

....did something with your hair."
....put on some makeup."
....lost some weight."
....dressed nicer."
....stood up straight."
....dated nicer boys."
....lived up to your potential."
....had a better job."
Ad nauseum.

And she wonders why I had heavy-duty self-esteem and body-image issues well into my 40's. Impossible to believe, but she's almost 80 and she STILL gets on my case about how I dress or what I weigh, my job, my friends, and how lousy she perceives my life to be.

[Dixie_Amazon]

And my mother is a great one for responding to my question "How do I look?" with various answers along the lines of "You look fine...but you'd look better if you....

....did something with your hair."
....put on some makeup."
....lost some weight."
....dressed nicer."
....stood up straight."
....dated nicer boys."
....lived up to your potential."
....had a better job."
Ad nauseum.

And she wonders why I had heavy-duty self-esteem and body-image issues well into my 40's. Impossible to believe, but she's almost 80 and she STILL gets on my case about how I dress or what I weigh, my job, my friends, and how lousy she perceives my life to be.

This scenario sounds very familiar. I was never quite pretty, smart, or successful enough.

[Lovestolaugh]

The worst 'punishment' came from my father when I was 21 years old, legally an adult one night he body slammed me down onto my back onto the hard kitchen floor. I was so injured I had to crawl out on all fours to my car. I drove to the building where my job was where I was the assistant manager of a deli, I used my keys let myself in, and tried to sleep on the floor of the deli. I had back problems for years as a result of his body slamming me. Did I mention I was then and am now only 5'3 and a petite female? My Father is 6 feet and close to 200 lbs and a former cop. When I called the police for help they would not arrest my father. Cops have something called the 'Blue Code of Silence' a brother hood of cops where they will not report or arrest their own. This type of abuse was nothing new and went on over the years beginning when I was a child. I went to the juvenile officer in our town and the school nurse in my high school and told them of the abuse and they did nothing about it.

Now, what I did I do to deserve all this? NOTHING.
I was a normal kid, extremely quiet and sweet. Always trying to please everyone. I did nothing ordinary teens don't do.
Obviously I don't condone any form of abuse to either children or animals. Aside from giving a swat on the bottom to a toddler who is to young to understand that going out into the street is bad, I don't think hands should EVER be laid upon a child or creature in a violent way.WORDS harm just as much as physical abuse, and IGNORING a child is NEGLECT. Being slow to anger, slow to speak is the best policy.

[jackiecat]

(((HUGS))) to everyone who was abused. I got guilted but nothing like you've described.